Dear Xanga,

You suck.  I'm done.

Goodbye

I wish I could make the simpliest topics so much interesting just by the use of words like Amy does.  I am thoroughly jealous of her and her ability to do so.

For those of you who dont' know.. my hair is black.  I got angry at work on Saturday so my solution was to dye my hair black.  Except it turned blue.  So my hair is actually blue.

My friend Brandon has been asking me out for awhile, basically since Ron and I got together.  But I kept saying no to him because of Ron.  Finally when I realized things were completly over between Ron and I, I told Brandon I would go out with him.  I was going to drive all the way to Allegan today to see him and go out with him after he got out of work.  5 o'clock comes around and still no call.  Okay whatever he probably went home and fell asleep.  Then at 8:30, I'm pissed.  I call him and he's like "oh, I forgot."  Yea well then just forget takin me out ever.

Screw Up

I feel like I mess up every aspect of my life.  School, friends, family, relationships, everything.  I start off every semester of school really excited about my classes but about half way through the semester I get frustrated and make myself sick to the point where I have to drop my classes because I'm always too sick to go to school.  With my friends I feel like I ignore some of them when I don't mean to and then things just get all messed up.  I tear my family apart by not wanting to see my mom forcing my family to have two gatherings for every holiday.  And lastly.. relationships.  I screwed that up big time this time.  When I'm in a relationship I feel like my way of thinking changes completly, I hate it, I hate who I change into because it's not myself.  I've been working on that a lot though, and I felt like I was getting better but I guess I screwed up pretty big last Friday.  Ron called things completly off and now all I can do is think about how much I screwed up and how much I lost.  I keep hoping if I can show him I am changing and that I'm not going to go retarded again that things can be okay between us again but I'm begging to think that won't happen.  I don't know if I should give it more time or try to get over him.  Right now I'm just trying to give him more space and be friends with him but it's hard to be around him and not kiss him or hold his hand or cuddle.  I wish I knew what he was thinking or feeling but I don't and that makes it so much harder.  I don't even know if he's still interested in me or what.